You Can Make a Difference

Hello. It’s the third Friday in Quarantine time. Life in my neighborhood seems relatively normal. Looking out the window I see trees budding out, the redbuds blooming, a robin building a nest in a cubby in our eaves, wrens hopping through bushes, flashes of cardinals in the brush.

Out walking the dog, I realize things are not normal. There is almost no traffic noise coming from Versailles Rd. There are no children waiting for the school bus, there are more cars than normal for this time of day in driveways or on the street. I don’t see another human being the entire hour I am out with Grail.

Life has changed. It will never go back to being what it was. There is before and there will be an after, but for now we are in liminal space; betwixt and between.

Some reading this will have lost their jobs and will be struggling. Some reading this will still have their jobs. If you are fortunate to have a job, and you have the means, now is the time to give back to your community. There are many ways we can support each other right now. Donate money to a local food bank, most of which are seeing greatly increased demand. If you have PPE you are not using, donate it to your local fire department or hospital. Even 10 masks will help. If you hoarded supplies, consider sharing them with people who can’t afford to buy them. If you’re sitting on 100 containers of hand sanitizer you won’t be able to use it before it expires, why not share the wealth? If you are generally healthy and able to go to the grocery store, why not offer to shop for someone who is vulnerable? If you are handy and have a sewing machine you can sew masks for people.

Remember, we will get through this and we will get through this together. Now is also the time to look at your priorities. So, you can’t get a hair cut, get your hair colored, get manicures or pedicures, get waxed, get botox injections, or temporary fillers. Take some time to get curious about your beliefs around beauty and what is acceptable to you. Look in the mirror and begin loving yourself for who you are as you are without adornment.

Find three things to be grateful for today and tell three people how much they mean to you.

Feel It

Hello Monday. More states issuing stay at home orders. In Kentucky, all non-essential businesses must close by 8:00 PM tonight. My feelings are all over the place, a mixture of helpless, panicking, feeling hopeful, worrying about friends and family, being calmed by our governor, grateful for good friends we can connect with via video chat, angry with people who don’t seem to take this seriously and who don’t seem to care about anyone but themselves. Intellectually I know there is an end to the tunnel, but my heart can’t quite grasp that.

 

What helps me now is turning to the calming practices I know, deep breathing, meditation, talking to my loved ones, looking for the good and for the people helping other people. I come back again and again to other periods in history with pandemics and to all of those there was an after, life went on.

 

Today, I encourage you not to tamp down any feelings. Feel them all. Whatever you are feeling is ok. Know what’s going on, but limit your exposure to news so that you don’t feel overwhelmed. Reach out to friends and neighbors and share you love (from a safe physical distance). Know there are others who can stand in the gap for you, just as you can stand in the gap for them. We will get through this together. Be kind, be gentle.

You Are the Most Beloved

Hello Friday. Here in Lexington, it’s alternating between rain and sun. The wind is blowing, the streets are eerily quiet, life has slowed down. The forsythia bushes in the back yard are in full bloom, the bushes along the creek are leafing out, the buds on the trees are swelling, the birds are singing their springtime songs. Life goes on all around us.

 

If you are at home due to a 14 day quarantine, mandatory social distancing or a shelter in place order take time to notice spring happening all around you. It’s easy to become so panicked that you fail to notice anything. Stop, breathe, look around, notice something you can see, something you can hear, something you can smell, something you can feel. Come into this present moment. Come back to your breath. If you are allowed to go outside, get outside, even if it’s just for a few moments. Look at the sky, the trees, at flowers blooming.

 

Today, think of five things you’re grateful for. Today, send notes of appreciation via e-mail to five people. Today find a way to turn off the news for a while and watch or read something that takes you to another place. This is a marathon, rest where you can, continue at a slow and steady pace; there is no need to sprint.

 

Let’s all take care of each other. What if we treated this as if everyone on the planet was our most beloved? It would be easy then to help keep others safe. The truth is everyone on the planet is the most beloved to someone.

Love is still the answer

Greetings Beloveds. We are still in the midst of the unknown. Here, in Kentucky, the governor has ordered all restaurants and bars to close. He keeps reiterating that we are all in this together and that’s what we have to remember. Even if you are young, healthy and don’t think this virus will affect you very much, you do know someone who is high risk. Whether it’s a friend, family member, co-worker or neighbor someone with whom you interact is either over the age of 60, is immune compromised, or has an underlying illness that makes them more susceptible.

 

Now is the time to act like you care more about others than yourself. Anthony Fauci, the head of the National Institutes of Allergy and Infectious Diseases said it well. He argues that we can’t act like we are worried about contracting this virus, we have to act as if we already have it and we’re doing what we can to stop others from getting it. More and more evidence shows that people who have the virus, but who have not yet shown symptoms are contagious.

 

Now, is not the time to panic, but it is the time to be prudent, to think about others. We will rise or fall together, as a community, as a city, as a state, as a nation as the globabl community. Now, more than ever we realize we’re all connected.

 

When in doubt, come from love. Remember that many people are scared, if not panicked, and may respond to you out of that panic. The best response you can have is not to elevate that panic, but rather to be a calm presence. If you are feeling scared reach out to those who can support you, but who won’t try to minimize or deflect your feelings.

 

Know that the world has been through this before and we have come through it, whether it was the plague, the 1918 influenza pandemic, repeated cholera epidemcis in the 1800s, polio, ebola or COVID-19, we have come through all of them. We will come through this too. Life may be forever changed, but we will come through this. You get to decide if you want to be a part of helping yourself and others come through with kindness and compassion.

 

Today, love, love, love yourself and others. Be kind, be compassionate. Only get your information from reliable sources. Know that I am here to support you.

Common Sense in Confusing Times

It’s so interesting to read or listen the news, read posts on Facebook, see the emails flying back and forth all from people talking, writing, thinking about Covid-19. So many words, so few facts. The ideas range from Oh no we’re all going to die, to if you’re worried you just a baby and a whiner.

 

Why the hysteria? Humans are meaning seeking creatures. As a species we don’t like any unanswered questions and, if answers aren’t readily available we’ll make up stuff to fill in the gaps. This is why good horror novels are so scary. The author fills in just enough detail to give your brain space to fill in the rest. What we can make up is generally much scarier than reality. There are a lot of unanswered questions about this particular virus including how easily it spreads, how lethal it is, how long it’s actually been circulating, who is most at risk, etc. So, people fill in the gaps, with ideas that range from just a little bit to scary to full blown conspiracy theories.

 

These scary what ifs are fueling global panic. In an attempt to ease the panic, well-meaning people put out directives about how to minimize the spread and attempt to minimize worry. Folks on Facebook and news sites pile on by saying some version of, “Don’t worry, it’s not bad for most people, only the old and chronically ill tend to to die from it.” The implicit bias inherent in these statements is confounding and infuriating, but not surprising. The subtext is that old people and sick people aren’t as valuable and it’s not such a big deal if they’re the only ones dying. Add to this the rampant xenophobia and prejudice directed toward people who look somehow Asian, because the virus appears to have surfaced in China, and it’s a recipe for increased hatred, fear and bigotry. Underneath the surface is implicit bias against China and Chinese people, which has been fostered by this administration.

 

So, what can you do?

 

One: use common sense. Just because someone posts information on Facebook, doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because information came from a vaguely medical sounding web site doesn’t mean it’s true.

 

Two: Check your ageism and your ableism. Just because you’re not over 60 or don’t have a chronic illness, doesn’t mean you should be cavalier and this applies not just for this virus, but for any time you’re sick. I hear people every year saying, “Oh, I don’t worry about getting the flu, I’m healthy. I still go to work.” Well, that’s nice for you, but maybe not for the people around you, some of whom probably have chronic illnesses you don’t know about and who might end up hospitalized or dead if they get the flu, or Covid-19, norovirus or even the common cold.

 

Three: Check your prejudice. Making anti-Asian comments? Shying away from Asian looking people? Wondering why “these things always come from China?” (Spoiler alert, they don’t.) Do your own work.

 

Four: Did I already mention, use common sense? You don’t need to hoard masks, toilet paper, soap or anything else. And, if you do, you’re preventing people who really need these things from getting them.

 

Five: Stop comparing this to other things where lots of people die and then bemoaning the fact that more money isn’t spent on those things. It’s not pie. Spending money on pandemics is not related to spending money on these other things. Ask youself why you only care about gun violence deaths, smoking deaths, or traffic deaths when a global pandemic arises.

 

Six: NO, NO, NO. This isn’t a worldwide conspiracy to drop viruses into the population during a U. S. election year. Go back to #1 and #4. I’d try to explain why this isn’t realistic, but conspiracy theorists will just go right on believing it, just like some people still believe Hillary Clinton is the head of a sex-trafficking ring and she’s killed people.

 

Seven: Treat everyone with love and kindness and if they don’t want to hug you, shake your hand, or kiss you right now honor their request without shaming, ridiculing or belittliting them. As someone with COPD and asthma I don’t want whatever you might have.

You Really Are Gullible

This morning, a ramble: I was struck by two articles in the New York Times.

 

The first was about a man who ate a banana that had been stuck to a wall with duct tape. But, this was not just any banana, it was a $120,000 piece of art. Yes, an artist was able to convince buyers that a banana stuck to a wall with duct tape was art, and more than one person bought this artwork, complete with instructions about how to replace the banana. This reminds me of the artist Piero Manzoni who, in 1961, pooped into cans, sealed the cans and called the result art, which sold for $300,000.

 

The second was about the proliferation of e-waste recycling facilitiies in Thailand and the impact of those facilities on the health of the workers and on the surrounding populations. There are many toxic components in electronic devices and when they are recycled toxic chemicals are released into the air and water, which has devestating consequences for those who breathe the air or drink the water. The rise of such facilities is fueled by the drive to have ever newer and fancier gadgets, which causes people to dispose of perfectly good electronic devices in their quest to keep up with the latest consumer fads.

 

While these articles may seem disparate what they share is highlighting the susceptibility of the human mind to being swayed by nonsense. Why is a banana stuck to a wall art worth $120,000? Because people buy into it, believing the artist is making a commentary on art, but the joke is on the people who believe that. The artist meanwhile, is laughing all the way to the proverbial bank. What, instead, could have been done with that money, what good could have been accomplished? Likewise, why do people need a new phone, computer, tablet, camera, game console every year when the old one still works? Because they don’t want to be left behind, embarrassed when their friends have the latest phone with the 20 megapixel camera and the super video capability and, oh, by the way, most people can’t tell the difference between the photo you took with a 2 megapixel camera and the one they took with a 20 megapixel camera. But, people are willing to go into debt to buy a $1,000 I-phone, because it’s the it gadget of the moment, destined to be thrown in the dust bin in a year when the newer version emerges.

 

The truth is humans are not rational creatures. We like to think we make decisions based on facts and knowledge, but the truth is we make make most decisions based on emotions, primarily fear and the subsequent raionalization of those emotions. Most of us really only care about ourselves and those few people to whom we feel close. If we’re really being honest we don’t care about people in Thailand dying as a result of our gadget obsession. We might give lip service and say, “Oh, that’s awful.” But then we’ll scroll to the next article on our smart phone and forget about it. Well, the environment is imploding, because we, you and I, don’t care enough to really do anything. Whole groups of human beings are losing rights they’ve fought long and hard for, because we, you and I, don’t care enought to actually do anything.

 

Today, look yourself in the mirror and be honest about what it is you actually care about, versus what it is you say you care about. Then take a leap, because soon, if we don’t all do something, it will be too late. There will be no next generation to fix the problem, because the future is here and it’s now or never

Dine Out for a Good Cause

Dining Out for Life happens today (9/12/19) in Lexington, Kentucky, where I live. From the website, “Dining Out For Life® is an annual dining fundraising event raising money for community-based organizations serving people living with or impacted by HIV.” Dining Out for Life events happen on different days around the country.

 

This is the biggest fundraising event of the year for AVOL, Kentucky whose mission is to “to collaborate with communities to end HIV in the commonwealth.”

 

I am old enough to remember the beginning of the HIV epidmeic, before it was called HIV, when a mysterious disease started killing young, healthy men in San Francisco. Early on there were lots of rumors about what was causing (mostly) gay men to get sick. Even after HIV was recognized it was many years until any treatments were developed.

 

We’ve come a long way with regard to treatment in the intervening years, but there is still a long way to go to end HIV and to end the stigma and shame many people are subjected to by those who do not understand HIV, and those who make assumptions about who is affected by HIV.

 

Check out the national Dining Out for Life website to see when an event might be held in your area. https://www.diningoutforlife.com/

You can do something to make a positive change in your world.

Show Someone You Care

Someone you know is hurting right now. Someone you know needs a little extra care. Somone you know needs a kind word, a loving touch, a thoughtful card, e-mail or phone call.

 

Today, reach out to someone who means something to you and let them know you care. Be real, be kind, and don’t make it about you. Unselfishly care about someone else today. Let them know how much you care, how much they mean to you, how happy you are they are a part of your life.

 

Life means nothing if we don’t have each other’s backs.

Do You Care Enough to Do Something?

Hunger. Food insecurity. Poverty. Poor health. High cancer rates. Lowered life expectancy. These are all phrases used to describe the state where I live, Kentucky. These are human caused problems, with human solutions.

 

The problem is people don’t care. It’s easy to say, get a better job, or work harder when you’ve never been on the ground and see there are no jobs to be had. It’s easy to say work harder when you don’t see that people are working two, three, and sometimes more jobs and still can’t get by.

 

Recently Kentucky ranked near the bottom of all the states in the amount of sleep its residents get and I’m not surprised. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve talked to who are working two full time jobs and caring for their children and/or parents. There is little time left for sleep.

 

The man who takes care of our yard works seven days a week, ten or more hours a day, so that he can take care of his wife, who is sick and whose care is only partially covered by insurance. He cares for her at home, because the condition of skilled nursing facilities in Kentucky is atrocious. Another human caused problem with a human solution.

 

The real problem is that we don’t care about real people. I talk to people who are happy to give to causes in other countries, for people they will never meet; they are eager to talk about the good being done and how people are being helped out of poverty and into self-sufficieny. However, if I try talking to them about the unhomed people in our own neighborhood, about food deserts in our own city, about children going to bed hungry every night, they’re not interested, and often pull out all the tropes about people without financial means being lazy.

 

Today, begin educating yourself on all the ways our government policies contribute to inequality. Begin educating yourself on the ways socioeconomic status, skin color, country or origin, religion, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity and gender expression all intersect. Begin educating yourself on the ways religious teachings, social mores, the news media, all contribute to maintating inequality.

 

Today, take a look around at what needs to be done in your own community and do something to make it better.